I have spent a lifetime shutting off the part of myself that senses non verbal communication, spiritual presences, or emanating energies. Why? Fear of “loosing my mind”. Fear of demonic possession (which was the only answer when someone saw a ghost, perhaps, or made magic happen. “They’re possessed” was the explanation.)
I have been afraid of these things for as long as I can remember, so I buried deep within myself the beacon, the censor, the receptive, the intuition, the magnet. It felt like carrying around a sack of rocks. Or, rather, it felt like when your arm goes completely numb in the middle of the night, beyond pins and needles numb, its cold and limp. The effort it takes to pull that lifeless arm from above your head to below the covers where it can warm and revive is what I am experiencing right now, trying to nurture this part of myself that has long lie dormant.
I am secretly often afraid that it isn’t that I am yet unable to sense, but that I forever can’t. That I don’t have the gift of communication. That I have no magic.
Yet I am stubbornly practicing. I wrap my arms around my avocado plant’s pot till I can feel (or think I feel) what it needs. I place my hand on the earth, feeling for her vibrational force. I try to listen to my cats.
I have been taught to ask permission before taking a part of a plant for whatever reason. I do so and listen for their response, though I am often afraid I’m just not hearing the answer.
Today, in the middle of a spell, I reached my hand out and asked Basil “can I use this leaf?” I heard nothing. I felt like maybe he wasn’t listening or just didn’t know I was talking to him. So I got his attention and asked again. Again. I felt nothing back. Was it me? Was I just not cut out to receive the signals? Did silence = no?
Just as I, in confusion and frustration, removed my hand, the very leaf I asked for fell from the branch to the soil below.
I thought that was pretty neat.
The net worth of the average black household in the United States is $6,314, compared with $110,500 for the average white household, according to 2011 census data. The gap has worsened in the last decade, and the United States now has a greater wealth gap by race than South Africa did during apartheid. (Whites in America on average own almost 18 times as much as blacks; in South Africa in 1970, the ratio was about 15 times.)
United States now has a greater wealth gap by race than South Africa did during apartheid
Good wifi on the Hogwarts Express this year
MINE IS CRAPPY
WHAT CARRIAGE ARE YOU IN!??!?!
COME TO THE BACK
THE SLYTHERINS HAVE HACKED DUMBLEDORE’S WIFI
Thanks to the Ravenclaws, guys.
The password’s “AL0H4M0R4”
Pass it on.
Someone didn’t get their letter
When I am doing well, really well, I get nervous, because what if I stop doing well, and then I am no longer doing well.
The day started out great. Then, I analyzed.
I made myself some grounding tea and that seems to have done the trick. Now I’m going to get some root veggies (so much grounding) and supplies to make magic floor wash to protect against possible negativity that may be carried on the back of our soon to be houseguest.
Over and out.
“After Another Execution”I read on a slip of paper at dinner tonight that You must empty yourself before God may enter so I emptied myself and found the bottom of a lake bed caked with sticky mud next to a sign that said do not swim. Under a covering of mulch the reflection of the stars disappeared into the blackness. I no longer want to reconcile myself to grief; I’ll sit with this thing tonight. Let it crack the bowls, break the windows out. I am weary of running away.
Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to - alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person - you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain.